We’re all guilty of complaining, making excuses or blaming, however as a leader it’s our obligation to model the language of personal responsibility. Leaders set the example by the words they use and the tone of their message. When you change the language, you change the culture.
Here’s a short list that contrasts irresponsible language and gives the course-correction.
Use this list as a cheat sheet to elevate your language to higher levels of awareness and responsibility.
COMPLAINING: Puts focus on what you don’t want but does nothing to define what you do want.
WHAT TO DO INSTEAD: Define what you want and shift your focus on what you want to create instead of focusing on your obstacle.
EXCUSES: Show you what obstacles you believe are holding you back.
WHAT TO DO INSTEAD: Challenge assumptions and ask, “What are my choices?”
REGRETS: Tells you what you wish you wouldn’t have done or what you wish you would’ve done.
WHAT TO DO INSTEAD: Ask for forgiveness and make amends. Or take the next right step to course correct.
BLAME: Tells you who or what you think is more powerful than yourself.
WHAT TO DO INSTEAD: Take your power back and step into responsibility. Own the problem and own the potential.
RESENTMENT: Tells you where you didn’t act in your own best interests.
WHAT TO DO INSTEAD: Set a boundary. Speak up. Ask for what you want. Become proactive, let go of assumptions and become your own best friend.
ARGUING: Tells you that you need to be right and you are too impatient to learn.
WHAT TO DO INSTEAD: Take a breath. Then say, “I want to learn more. You speak first then I’ll respond.” Envision the final result you want to achieve and know that when you learn you grow and when you grow you win.
DISCOUNTING: Tells you that you disagree with someone but are using manipulation instead of authenticity to win your point.
WHAT TO DO INSTEAD: Be honest about your disagreement, then decide either to listen, or to agree to disagree: “You have a right to your opinion but I respectfully disagree.”
Conclusion
When I’m coaching others, I listen for signs of irresponsible language, which includes blame, resentment, justification, and judgment. In the workplace irresponsible language contributes to a culture of avoidance or a culture of blame. On social media, irresponsible language leads to incivility, disrespect, and unnecessary drama. Responsible language is about asking for what you want, defining the boundaries, setting priorities, and representing yourself rather than rescuing others. Effective leaders model the language of responsibility.
Article first published on LinkedIn in the Marlene Chism Newsletter. Subscribe for effective leadership insights.
