Every big problem in an organization can be traced back to a conversation that should have happened but didn’t. If you listed all the avoided conversations in the scope of a year, you’d likely see a correlation between avoidance and escalation.
While initiating conversations sounds simple, starting conversations at the wrong time can escalate problems. While important conversations should never be avoided altogether, there are three situations when it’s more strategic to delay a conversation. The first situation is when you’re angry.
When you’re angry
If anger is anything, it’s misunderstood and misused. I don’t know about you, but when I’m angry is when I’m most motivated to “tell it like it is.” Even though anger creates a sense of urgency, it’s usually the worst time to act. When you’re angry, the executive function of your brain (pre-frontal cortex) shuts down and decision-making suffers. When angry the primal brain takes center stage and is mostly concerned with survival, winning and being right; not about collaboration or course-correction.
What not to do: Don’t believe everything you think when you’re angry and don’t make the mistake of interpreting anger as a signal to take quick action. Don’t shoot from the hip, but at the same time don’t avoid the conversation just because you’re afraid of your own anger.
What to do instead: Calm down. Sleep on it and do some preparation. Delay the conversation until you can let go of assumptions and clearly articulate the facts. The paradox is that once you calm down, it’s easy to fool yourself into thinking that everything is OK. Remind yourself that, even though you’re over it, your anger signals a problem; something needs to be addressed at the appropriate time, not something to brush over.
Stay tuned and next week, I’ll give you the second situation when it makes more sense to delay a conversation.
To your success,
Marlene Chism