I often hear leaders define themselves as a “straight shooter.” My friend Scott Carbonara says that’s often code for “insensitive jerk.” As we were talking one day about leadership and our roles as consultants and trainers we got into some great discussion that lead to this article. My original title was “Straight Shooter or Back Stabber?”
What got me wound up was a consulting job where I was talking with an executive who seemed to used the definition as an excuse to be rude, interrupt and answer my questions with a remark such as, “I don’t see how that has anything to do with what we are talking about.”
I found myself walking on egg shells, over compensating for his brash behavior, and then even buying into ideas the employees had about him being a straight shooter and telling me how to “handle him.” Talk about the rescue role on the Drama Triangle!
That’s just not my way. I’ve realized that when I’m walking on egg shells something is off. It might be me, or it might be them. One of my hilarious consultant friends says (in jest) ” when there’s fear, intimidation and game-playing, someone needs to be b-slapped…and it might even be me.“
What he’s really saying, (and I wholeheartedly agree) ‘ there’s either an elephant in the room or the emperor is naked and no one is willing to speak up! In other words, we each contribute to the problem when we avoid the conversation.
As I did a little research I found that there was a lack of trust and lack of engagement in the company. There’s no wonder. That’s when I decided to make a distinction between straight shooter and authentic leader.
Authentic leaders are straight shooters, but straight shooters are not always authentic leaders.
From my experience, those in the C-Suite who define themselves as straight shooters don’t want anyone else to shoot straight. They don’t want anyone to get to know them, and most of the time they are very uncomfortable with conflict, so in order to maintain distance, they use their straight shooting so that they don’t have to ever feel vulnerable or show their human side.
No wonder there’s a lack of trust and engagement.
Some leaders hide behind a personality profile by saying, ‘Well, I’m INTJ. Or I’m a HIGH DIRECTOR on the DISC assessment.”
Translated: I don’t have to change. You have to accept me the way I am, and that’s why I may hurt your feelings…after all, I’m just a straight shooter…and I’m right.
Rather than being “right” what if you learned to expand your range?
“But I’m just being honest” or “If you can’t handle the heat get out of the kitchen” will be the last protest.
You see, what I have also learned is you can only be as honest as your level of self awareness. So, while I used to describe myself as a straight shooter, I have now made a distinction. I’m an authentic leader. I say it like I see it, but I’m caring and compassionate. I strive use wisdom and good timing. I care about your thoughts, but at the same time I’m very capable of stepping in a hole…or two.
I’m certainly not the sage on the stage. I’m in the boat with you. You will get to know the real me if you work with me. And if you are walking on egg shells around me, just remember, there’s no place for violence (imagined or otherwise) in the workplace; so b-slapping allowed. Just be authentic with me so I can clean up whatever story we are participating in that keeps us from the clarity of our real mission.
photo credit: h.koppdelaney via photo pin cc
Right on! Your comments apply equally well to public sector leaders as to private sector leaders. It is particularly true for police departments because they have para-military command structures that foster the “top-down” mentality. I think that is why there are so many disfunctional police departments.
But that mentality is not limited to police departments. I have seen city managers and elected officials with that mentality. They think that to be effective they have to be jerks, or, in the case of some elected officials, since they were elected they’re entitled to be jerks. For managers of all types it is easier to be a jerk than to be a compassionate but firm leader. That is hard work.
Thanks for discussing the “elephant in the room.”
Thank you!! Please feel free to forward the link, and invite others to share their wisdom and insights!
Just a quick note to thank you for your insights about the blog.
You are right about my philosophy. I was not meaning the post to be derogatory…it was just my attempt to be a bit edgy, as this article post was inspired by a very funny conversation with a friend who used that phrase. Because I know him and adore him, I was trying to share the flavor of his humor.
I get what you are saying. I softened up the article and at the end I did mention that there’s no place for violence in the workplace.
Thank you for being courageous to point out something that could have been misunderstood.
And thank you for being a true reader of my work.
Hi Marlene,
Your insights are almost always good and I have enjoyed reading many of your posts but I did want to mention that the term ‘bitch slap’ is misogynist and does not have any place in your overall philosophy (abuse is obviously not what your work is about). Perhaps there is a better term you could use?
Thank you.
Esther
Just a quick note to thank you for your insights about the blog.
You are right about my philosophy. I was not meaning the post to be derogatory…it was just my attempt to be a bit edgy, as this article post was inspired by a very funny conversation with a friend who used that phrase. Because I know him and adore him, I was trying to share the flavor of his humor.
I get what you are saying. I softened up the article and at the end I did mention that there’s no place for violence in the workplace.
Thank you for being courageous to point out something that could have been misunderstood.
And thank you for being a true reader of my work.
Damn, I thought you meant butt slapped. Never heard of the other expression so of course I went and checked with my more youthful colleague Alice. And yes, she was familiar with the phrase and explained it to me. Alice and I watch NCIS on TV. Jethro Gibbs is a character on the show and whenever Gibbs is not so happy with someone he whops them on the head with his hand. It’s not a violent hit; just enough to sort of knock a bit of sense back into them. Whenever we fell that someone in our Firm needs to have some sense knocked into them, Alice and I (privately of course) tell each other that so and so needs a “Gibbs”. It’s just an expression…our little secret. No violence is intended.
Marlene, I always enjoy reading your tid bits and having taken your seminar has helped me in more ways than I could ever express.
kris
Kris…you made me laugh. Thank you so much!! Ha ha. Being one who puts my information out for public consumption, I realize more and more how it’s so easy to offend someone who thinks differently. The value of having loyal readers is to hear the different perspectives. Love your sense of humor. 🙂