Conflict mismanagement often hides in the roots below the surface. As an executive you want to make sure you’re solving the real problem—getting to the root instead of nipping the problem in the bud. What the problem looks like on the surface, may not get to the root issue causing the repetitive dysfunction.
For example, an executive team I was working with expressed frustration. “Our directors have to be micromanaged” they said.
When I asked to provide specifics, they couldn’t. Not only were they unwilling to name names, but they also couldn’t recognize the specific patterns, or pinpoint specific times when they felt the pressure to micromanage. It’s likely that micromanaging was the identifiable bloom, with deeper roots below the surface.
Knowing that clarity can change any situation, I suggested we start by keeping track of the times when they as executives micromanaged the directors. This clarity would help us to see patterns and to understand when, who, and how often.
The executives declined. “We don’t want anyone to think we’re pointing blame or nitpicking” the CEO said.
“This isn’t about blame,” I said. “The purpose is to increase awareness so we can pinpoint the real problem.” They politely declined.
The real problem wasn’t the directors—it was a lack of accountability and lack of willingness to explore further.
I interpreted this behavior as a classic example of conflict avoidance at the top. The harsh truth is you can’t fix what you don’t understand, and what you don’t understand will cost you in time, productivity, and dollars.
While there’s a hard cost to avoidance, the bigger cost could be the emotional costs of avoidance.
The Emotional Cost of Conflict Avoidance
A former client who worked as an HR leader in a large health-care organization wrote to me when she realized the detrimental effects of avoiding conflict.
“I’m just about at the end of a yearlong process of managing a disruptive employee. This situation ended up with lawyers involved and should reach a settlement today. It’s been a long and painful process, as this employee had been tolerated for 18 years. This employee was occasionally talked to, but since she was considered a “high performer,” she was allowed to carry on, hurting patients, families, and staff along the way, as well as creating chaos in her wake of disruption. The entire process has taken a toll on me, my team, and the employee. I didn’t realize how hard emotionally and mentally it would really be.”
Learning the Lessons of Avoidance
It’s difficult to learn the lessons of avoidance because the pain usually doesn’t happen immediately. There’s always a lag time between the avoidance, the justification, and the result. The more time that goes on, the easier it is to disconnect the dots—to inaccurately define the problem and work on resolving the wrong issue.
Coming in 2025
In my upcoming course, I’m offering a method to get to the root problem; a method to increase leadership clarity; and a framework for initiating conversations that get results. The course is called The Performance Coaching Model. Included in the framework are nine communication-coaching skills, designed to help leaders navigate conflict conversations and increase accountability.
If you take the Culture of Avoidance assessment, that puts you on the waitlist to be the first to know when the program is launched.