OK…so you know you have a problem. You’ve looked it square in the face. You aren’t in denial and you are not defensive. You aren’t making any excuses, so why do you feel so bad? Well, this leads to the fourth leadership problem that inhibits growth: Self-Judgment.
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Self-judgment inhibits effectiveness and efficiency. Self-judgment can be a protective mechanism from the faulty thinking that if I judge myself then at least others can’t judge me. The reality is others will judge you so you need to be in your own corner. You don’t benefit yourself when you blame, deny or defend, or when you beat yourself with the oars. The best way to become your best ally is to learn and then course-correct rather than waste time in judgment and blame.
How to identify self-judgment
You can identify self-judgment by listening to your inner dialogue. If you have a harsh inner critic where you criticize yourself mercilessly you’ll probably hear other people say, “Man, you are so hard on yourself.” Another give-away sign is talking about what you should have done. Comparing yourself to others rather than to a standard of improvement is another tell-tale sign that you struggle with self-judgment. Another potential sign is in how gracious you are towards others. People who are harsh with others, critical or highly judgmental are likely to be unkind to themselves as well.
How to Course-Correct
1. Accept your brilliance as well as your flaws.
2. Be OK with others seeing your weaknesses.
3. Practice being more gracious with others.
4. Lighten up
5. Stop covering up your weaknesses and instead course-correct faster.
6. Let others win. You don’t have to be the best at everything.
7. Share what you learned and mentor others.
Marlene Chism is a consultant, national speaker and author of Stop Workplace Drama (Wiley 2011). Marlene’s passion is developing wise leaders and helping people to discover, develop and deliver their gifts to the world.
Marlene’s message is spreading across the country at association meetings, corporate retreats, universities and other venues. If interested in exploring speaking or training opportunities please call 1.888.434.9085