I predicted an increase in incivility in my book, From Conflict to Courage.
There’s more negativity, more blame, more caustic behavior than ever before. I believe one reason for incivility is because of how we see other people.
When we see others as our enemy, we justify incivility. Disliking someone leads to confirmation bias; then curiosity shuts down. (You believe you already know why they’re the way they are and why they see things the way they do, so your mind shuts down.) Observe how people talk about those with whom they disagree. You’ll hear labeling and closed-mindedness based on an identity instead of on the person.
What to do: Notice your narrative about other people who think differently than you. Do you secretly harbor resentment, label them as unenlightened, clueless, or stubborn? What we fail to recognize is that judging others never defines them but instead defines our character. When you find yourself labeling or judging, decide instead to be curious. Get to know the other person. Once you connect on a human level, you’ll no longer have an excuse to be uncivil. Set up the work environment so that people build connections and get to know each other.
Incivility s rooted in an “us versus them” mentality. As long as we see other human beings as our enemies, there will be incivility because the way we see others determines our behavior towards them. All the workshops, all the training and all the policy in the world won’t stop incivility. What stops incivility is not so much of the head but of the heart.
What if this week you focus on your heart? Give yourself and others some grace. See others as fellow humans on their own journey.
To your success,
Marlene Chism
