Have you noticed that civil discourse is becoming a lost art? Get on social media and you see blaming, name-calling and accusations. Through our conversations we create the culture we live in. So, what are we creating?
We are creating fear, disrespect, and disempowerment. The antidote is simple: Decide to show respect even in disagreement.
Respect is important if we want to maintain trust and manage ourselves during times of disruption.
The key to staying present during disagreement is to first calm down, and second, be curious. When you ask open-ended questions, you foster curiosity and collaboration rather than conflict. Here are five powerful questions to help you navigate disagreement constructively and keep conversations on track.
- Would you be open to a different perspective?
Disagreeing can feel risky, especially in hierarchical relationships. By asking for openness before introducing an alternative view, you set the stage for a respectful, two-way exchange.
Try this: “I have a slightly different take on this—would you be open to hearing it?”
❌ Avoid: Saying “I disagree” or “That’s not right” upfront, as it can immediately trigger defensiveness.
- Could we explore this idea from another angle?
This question invites discussion without dismissing the other person’s viewpoint. Leaders who encourage this kind of dialogue often uncover blind spots and create space for new solutions.
Try this: “I see the value in this approach. Could we also consider what might happen if we took a different route?”
❌ Avoid: Framing your disagreement as an absolute—flexibility fosters better discussions.
- Are there any exceptions to this approach?
When an idea seems rigid or overly definitive, asking about exceptions can introduce nuance. It encourages problem-solving without making the other person feel challenged outright.
Try this: “This strategy seems solid overall—do you see any situations where it might need adjustment?”
❌ Avoid: Using this as a way to poke holes in the idea rather than expanding the conversation.
- Could you share more about your reasoning?
Understanding someone’s thought process builds clarity and mutual respect. It also makes it easier to introduce your own perspective in a way that feels constructive rather than confrontational.
Try this: “I appreciate you walking me through your thinking. Can I share how I’m seeing it?”
❌ Avoid: Using this question as a way to put someone on the defensive—stay genuinely curious.
- Would it make sense to pause before deciding?
Sometimes, decisions feel rushed. Suggesting a pause can create space for further discussion and prevent missteps.
Try this: “Would it be helpful to gather more input before finalizing this decision?”
❌ Avoid: Suggesting a delay just because you disagree—link it to a clear benefit.
Is it dangerous to disagree?
Disagreement doesn’t ruin relationships: disrespect does. Next time you find yourself in a tough discussion, try shifting your approach. You might be surprised at how much easier it becomes to exchange ideas, challenge assumptions, and find common ground.
How do you approach disagreement in a way that keeps conversations productive?
